The Return Of The Indian Cont.

So, we left off with the boys eating lunch, trying to put on a happy face downstairs for the beni of Omri's parental units. Each boy knows Little Bear is in complete agony and feel they have to help him out somehow, even though Omri's none too keen on sending him back.

Omri's nparents are heading to party and Gillon and Adiel are heading to the movies. So, Patrick and Omri will have the entire house to themselves.

Before lunch, the boys had headed to a model shop and Omri, using a history books on Indians as a guide, picked out a few plastic Indians that could possibly be Iroquois. Of course, the model shop isn't exactly swimming with Iroquois plastic Indians, so Omri picks up a few he hopes might be part of a tribe friendly with the Iroquois which will keep Little Bear from scalping the poor bastids. It doesn't really say that in the book, but I have come to a conclusion Little Bear is down with the scalping. He did, after all, try to bribe Omri into allowing him to take Boone's scalp, so you know, I figure that's how Little Bear solves all of his problems. I wish I could. Oh, man, how I wish I could.

Patrick wants to grab up a few white men to help out what he refers to as "primitive Indians" and at first Omri objects, telling Patrick no to be such a racist jerk, but quickly folds for reasons I really don't see. So, they end up adding a few English soldiers and even a mounted officer to the mix.

The boys take their purchases back home and decide to bring the figures to life outside so as not to be bothered by anyone. Little Bear gets all jealous spouse on Omri and asks him where he's been. Omri tells him to chill and tells him what they've been up to. Little Bear livens up at once and demands to see the figures. Omri again tells him to chill and collects Little Bear, Bright Stars, Boone their horses and the longhouse and takes them outside. Little Bear demands to sit in the sun because Little Bear always needs to be demanding shit. I like Little Bear if I haven't mentioned lately. Once outside, Boone takes off, acting like every cowboy any little boy has ever seen in stories from the American West, which calms Omri since he's Little Bear always seems to keep him on his toes and NEVER acts like the Indians in the movies.

Little Bear immediately starts going through the purchases and I'm just going to copy what was written because it seriously made me giggle:

Little Bear sat cross-legged and stared narrowly at the Indian figures one by one. Several times he demanded that one of them be brought and laid before him for closer inspection. Some he discarded with an imperious wave of his hand. Once he uttered a deep growl.

"Why bring Algonquin enemy?"

"Sorry," said Omri, hastily removing the offending figure. "I thought he was a Mohawk. He dresses like one."

"Mohawk part of Iroquois nation. Omri not see difference? Stupid. Big eyes not best."

LITTLE BEAR IS DA BOMB!

Anyway, Little Bear turns to the British soldiers and dismisses them immediately for two reasons. One: The types of soldiers they picked up were from the right era, but lost to the French and Two: The English dress stupid. His words. And I'm inclined to agree.

Omri's mum breaks up the little pow wow and tells him Kitsa, their cat, has caught a bird or a mouse or something and she wants him to I guess take it away from her. I'm not sure, because her voice trails off when Omri stops listening because all at once he knows what Kitsa's actually messing with.

Omri screams out the cat's name and startles her, but that just pisses her off and she pounces at Boone at his horse in front of her. Omri kicks at her as she jumps and Kitsa stalks off, all sorts of angry. Boone's horse has been hurt, his ribs broken. Boone tells the boys he's going to have to put him down, seeing as how it just isn't fair to keep him suffering like that. He is, after all, Boone's pal. Boone shoots the horse and Omri and Patrick bury it for him. I remember crying shamelessly when I read this as a kid.

The boys scoop up Little Bear and the rest and take them inside before Kitsa gets one of them in her sights. Little Bear wants Omri to bring the purchases that passed muster to life and when Omri tells him no, he gets bitchy again. Little Bear wants to go back and help his tribe before they go and make someone else a chief. Omri tells him he's not strong enough. They argue for a bit and Patrick tells him they'll bring the nurse back to give them her expert opinion. Little Bear asks "what use white woman with face like old beaver" HA! Oh, Little Bear. Omri tells him to be nice because that white woman saved his life. So, they bring back the nurse, who this time has come prepared because she figured they'd be needing her services again. She's like a fraking Boy Scout. She chastises Little Bear for being out of bed, and of course Little Bear threatens to kill her. Because that's just what he do. However, the nurse is pretty awesome herself (I'll ignore that "How" greeting from earlier) and orders Little Bear to lie down. And you can pretty much guess who wins the battle of the wills. She cleanses and dresses the wounds and to top it all off, she pulls his trousers down and gives him a booster shot right in the butt. Little Bear gets all sorts of embarrassed (ha emBAREassed!) and threatens her with a knife. She wags her finger at him (seriously) and tells him to stop being so dramatic. In the end, she gives him the green light. He has been healed!

Now it's time to bring the Indians to life. In all, they bring forty Indians to life and not one of them give Patrick or Omri any mind; each is solely fixated on Little Bear and the speech he is giving. He finally introduces them to the boys, and the braves seem pretty chill about the giants. Little Bear demands the now-guns. Omri brings to life an English soldier to show the Indians how to shoot the weapons. Of course, things don't quite work out, what with the British soldier and Little Bear each having an ego the size of England. Patrick brings current versions of soldiers, hoping they'd have better luck. The pop in a Royal Marine and bring to life one Corporal Willy Flickits. The boys take Flickits to the Indians and begins to do what Omri and Patrick have asked; show the Indians how to shoot the now-guns. Flickits fires off a few rounds and the Indians go nuts, climbing over one another, trying to be the first to fire the weapon. Flickits restores order but kicking just enough ass to show who's boss. Soon the group is trained and ready to go back and fight.

Omri sends them all back, each Indian holding on to one another so they go back to Little Bear's time. Bright Stars stays behind. Boone tells Little Bear to give the Frenchie hell before Omri turns the key.

Gillon comes to see what's going on and starts messing with the leather tepee where Bright Stars is chilling. He picks it up to look at it for a bit and plunks it back down onto the earth, nearly decapitating Boone in the process. They check on Bright Stars after Gillon leaves and she's pretty matter-of-fact about the fact the baby's on his way now. Boone freaks and wants them to bring the nurse back. Bright Stars says all she needs is water and a knife. And for them to leave her alone. The broad is tough. Boone is outside the tepee, pacing, talking about how he should have gone with Little Bear. They are, after all, blood bros and he ain't no use here. Omri suggests he could helop with the baby. Boone scoffs at first because that's "wimmin's bizness", but when Bright Stars crys out in pain, he rolls up his sleeves, and barges right in, talking how he's brought a dozen calves into the world and they're hella bigger, so he knows what he's doing. Before he goes in, the boys mention something about wanting to go back to Little Bear's time and watch the battle. Boone suggests maybe it the key tat brings the power, no the cupboard, so that's something to gnaw on. The boys talk about it, weighing the pros and cons and just say fuck it. What the hell.

Patrick goes first, saying if he had Bright Stars, he'd be sure to end up in the right place. Omri scoffs, but give in. Patrick climbs into the chest (remember which one) and Omri turns the key. When he opens the lid, Patrick's limp body is at the bottom, his hand resting on the plastic tepee. Omri panics and brings him back. Patrick tells him how awesome it was and says he was actually part of the tepee. Omri tells him it's his turn. Patrick turns the key and now it's Omri's turn to be part of the tepee. He can hear the cry of Bright Star's newborn baby and Boone's reassuring words. Boone goes outside to blow his nose and ends up blowing his mind when he realizes where he is.

Nighttime falls and Omri starts to wonder why he hasn't been brought back. As soon as the last of the light leaves the sky, Omri notices men starting to sneak back into the village. At first he assumes it's Little Bear and his men, but soon realizes what happens when you assume. The Algonquins have some back to sack the village and one of them set fire to the tepee, which is actually part of Omri! As the tepee burns, Omri can see Boone fight the Algonquin who had set the fire in the first place. He catches tiny glimpse's of the battle and soon Boone is joined by Little Bear and his men. The entire village erupts in chaos and Omri can no longer make out friend or foe. It all seems to go on forever, then it suddenly stopped. Patrick had brought him back. Patrick freaks when he sees Omri, who has come back burned, battered and broken. Omri learns the reason he was stuck in the chest so long was because his mum and come upstairs and kept him busy. Omri tells Patrick to get Boone and bring him back. And on the double!

Once they bring Boone back, and he tells his side of the carnage, Patrick demands to go back so he can see. Omri puts his foot down and for once, Patrick shuts up and does what he's told. Patrick wants to bring the rest back and Omri tells him not to do anything stupid, but he needs to sleep. So, he heads downstairs to the living room and conks out.

Two hours later, Omri is awaken by the feeling someone was in the room. He catches a glimpse of the skin heads from earlier (who were also scoping out his house) climbing in through the window. Omri races upstairs to his bedroom where Patrick is passed out and the longhouse has been turned into a makeshift hospital for the injured braves. It's evident the Indians had gotten their booties kicked. Patrick had brought back the nurse before heading off to sleep and she tells Omri the Indians ended up shooting each other by catching themselves in a cross fire.

Omri wakes Patrick and tells him about the burglars. Omri begins stuffing soldiers by the fistful into the cupboard after bringing Flickits back to examine the weapons brought back with the Indians. Omri tells Flickits he's going to be in charge of a whole mess of British soldiers who are going to be tasked with taking on the three burglars downstairs. Flickits is down.

The boys take the regiment (I'm just going to call them that) downstairs and sneak up on the skinheads. Patrick flips on the light to the Omri's parent's bedroom, where the skinheads are rummaging through the jewels and taking leaks on the bed. Flickits gives the order to fire at will. The regiment ends up firing a line right across the face of the bigger of the three. Another skinhead is freaked out by what he sees; a teeny tiny regiment of soldiers firing upon them. It's all enough to send the three skinheads running.

With the skinheads gone and everything back to somewhat normal around Omri's household, Patrick and Omri begin to chat about the night's events. The nurse has made Patrick promise he'd bring her back in the morning so she could attend to Little Bear. Flickits had a ball. Little Bear, not so much. Patrick had sent Boone back earlier after giving him the horse that once belong to the snooty redcoat they had brought back before Flickits.

The boys go up to check on Little Bear and Bright Stars. Little Bear waves away the food they brought. Little Bear is bitter, thinking it was all his fault the braves hadn't been successful with the now-guys. He wants the now-guns, even after the debacle, but Bright Stars puts her foot down. Little Bear pouts, but sees where she's coming from. They'll do better next time with the weapons and the skills they already know. Omri tells Little Bear about the story he wrote and Little Bear beams with pride at the thought he might get to tell his son about Omri writing a story all about him one day.

And that concludes The Return Of The Indian. I hope you enjoyed the recap as much as I enjoyed re-reading the story.

Next up: Quantum Leap- Genesis Part 1 and 2