The Literary Adventures Of Lindsay Monroe

Moving Day!

2009-09-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

I'm abandoning Blogger. I hate it. So, I'm moving back over to Wordpress. Update accordingly. Or not.

Oh, Nigerian Scammers, How I Love THee

2009-09-03T03:06:00.000-07:00

Mrs Lisa Benedict22 spring field london ukReply to - lisabenedict55@gmail.comDear BelovedI crave your indulgence at this mail coming from somebody you have not know before. Idecided to do this after praying over the situation. You should please consider the transactionand its content and not the fact that you have not known me before.I would like to introduce myself as Mrs. Lisa Benedict ,

Holy Shit, Is It Really September?

2009-09-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

Fuck

People!

2009-08-27T03:07:00.000-07:00

Inglourious Basterds! Go see it! It was seriously fantastic movie and even though I find Bradley Jolie-Pitt to be a bore and over-exposed, I loved his character. I pretty much loved every damned Basterd. The entire thing was pretty freaking brill.It also made me miss my German language class. Is that weird?

Ok, I Need To Rant

2009-08-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

*I wish people would stop being like "So, when's the new book coming out? Are you writing another one? Why can't you just sit down and write something?" or when I tell them to leave my ass alone because I am actually trying to get something accomplished, they're all like "Oh, so you were just lying, you're not really writing, you're just sitting there looking at the computer!" For the fuck of

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2009-08-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not really parting. But I am going to be a lot more sporadic with my postings and whatnot. See, I have school starting up and I'm working on this novel thingy on top of working a full time job and keeping my house in a somewhat tidy manner. I'll also be MIA sometimes from your wonderful corner of the interwebs. I'm really sorry, I am, but if I ever want to be able to leave my craptastic

My Cat Is Teh Cuteness

2009-08-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

She runs upstairs to "tell" on the neighbor's cat every time he jumps onto my car to bask in the sun. Then she runs back downstairs with me in tow, "telling" me every few seconds to hurry my ass up so I can yell at the neighbor's cat. At least, that's what I believe she's telling me.My God, I have become one of those people; telling you all stories about my cat as if Molly were my kid. I won't

Kreativ Blogger Award

2009-08-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

I received this from my new friend, Sadako. I had an entire thank you speech prepared, but I left it in my other pants. I hate when that happens.The rules: Once you receive this award, you are to list seven of your favorite things and then nominate seven other blogs.Let us begin, shall we?1. My Quantum Leap DVD's. They seriously bring me loads of joy. I only got my hands on them recently, and

Quantum Leap: Star-Crossed- Original Air Date March 31, 1989

2009-08-13T02:19:00.000-07:00

Marion, Ohio June 15, 1972Sam has Leaped into Dr. Gerald Bryant, a professor at Lawrence College in Ohio (give it up for my home state). Dr. Bryant is the creepiest teacher on the campus whom all the gals adore because he teaches English Lit and busts out with lines from history's greatest love stories.He also happens to be banging one of his students, Jamie Lee. And he looks like Nick Nolte's

I Don't Like

2009-08-12T22:24:00.001-07:00

being the ugliest person in my family

Ow! My Brain

2009-08-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

It's terrifying and mind-boggling to think there are people in this country who wanted This Woman (I will not say her name) to be VP of the United States. And my hatred of the Republican Party has only deepened since 2008. Why, you ask? Because if they wouldn't have been so GD eager to grab the voters who only wanted Hillary to become President because she was a woman, they would have never

Sweet Valley University # 1- College Girls

2009-08-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be a speed post, mainly because I don't have the energy to read the entire book again. Can you believe page 91-92 is ripped out? Who rips pages out of a book? That's just rude and unnecessary.The twins are in college. Good for them. Jessica has every dude falling to her feet. Good for her. Elizabeth gains the Freshman 15, balloons up to the ginormous size 8 and feels like a beluga

Photos

2009-08-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm too lazy to do any sort of review or any real post, so I thought I'd throw up pictures from our National Night Out this year. Enjoy.

Quantum Leap: Genesis Part 2

2009-08-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

Sam has traded the body of Air Force Captain Tom Stratton for minor league baseball player Tim Fox. It's no longer 1956 but June 25th, 1968 and he's now in Waco Texas. Sam's Leaped smack dab in the middle of a game between the Waco Bombers and some team from Oklahoma. Tim's dog is barking its adorable little head off and Sam realizes the dog knows he really isn't his owner, but a complete

Quantum Leap: Genesis Part 1

2009-08-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this might be my most favorite subject to recap. Even more than the Indian books. I am still majorly into Quantum Leap and the adventures of Dr. Sam Beckett but I was absolutely obsessed when I was a wee lass. So, I take great pleasure in recapping the pilot episode.Let us begin, shall we?When the episode opens, we meet Al, Real Admiral (ret.) Al Calavicci if you're nasty. Al is on the

Would You Believe This Was Free To Ship From Japan?

2009-08-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Twinkie has one of these cute little doodads and since I'm in training with him all week, I've been playing around with it and Mama likes! It's not sold here in the States (only sold in store in Japan, I believe) but when he and Hottie New Officer Who Is Married And It's Just My Luck (or HNOWIMAIJML for short) told me it was free to ship here (only downside is I'll probably have to wait about a

I'm Annoyed

2009-08-03T14:27:00.001-07:00

I've changed my major. Again.I hate when people read my shit on fanfiction/fictionpress and don't comment.I hate when I have a million people stop by here and don't comment.I hate the fact it's a million degrees and I ran out of lemonade. And I can't get out of my driveway to go get some more.

The Return Of The Indian Cont.

2009-08-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

So, we left off with the boys eating lunch, trying to put on a happy face downstairs for the beni of Omri's parental units. Each boy knows Little Bear is in complete agony and feel they have to help him out somehow, even though Omri's none too keen on sending him back.Omri's nparents are heading to party and Gillon and Adiel are heading to the movies. So, Patrick and Omri will have the entire

I'm Seriously Lazy

2009-08-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

The only thing I got done last night was watch The Hangover. Again.I've decided I want to shag Bradley Cooper. Repeatedly.

The Return Of The Indian Cont. Will Be Written Tonight Whilst at Work

2009-07-31T06:45:00.000-07:00

That's right. While I'm at work, since I'm chillin' like a villain on the desk. That's just how I roll. You know, with a gangsta lean. In the mean time, please enjoy this very special clip from Quantum Leap. Actually, I think it's really for Shannon's and my enjoyment since we share a deep hidden crush on Al Calavicci. He was such a sweetie

The Return Of The Indian

2009-07-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

Name: The Return Of The Indian Published: 1986Author: Lynne Reid BanksMain Players: Omri, Patrick, Little Bear, Bright Stars, BooneWe join Omri, whose family has moved to the ghetto. He's walking home from school and notices he's the only one wearing a private school uniform. He gets all nervous when he has to walk past some skinheads and rightfully so. The first skinhead tries to trip him (how

It's A Fucking Hundred And Two Outside

2009-07-29T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is fucking Western Washington, not Toledo, Ohio where it's expected to reach a 100+ every now and then. See, if I was in Ohio, at least I'd have central air. But I'm in Western Washington and have only one palsy AC unit which has kept me in my bedroom for two days because the rest of the house is a fucking oven. Plus, I'm doing laundry, so the minute I step outside my bedroom door it's feels

Important Message From The Desk Of Lindsay Monroe

2009-07-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

Due to the fact it's 175 degrees in the downstairs of my house right now, the recap of The Return of the Indian will have to be delayed until tomorrow. I just don't have the endurance to sit down here on the computer and type it up. I'd much rather be upstairs, in my bedroom, where the air conditioning is. I do hope you understand. Me thinks you will.I will also be moving this blog back over to

Things I've Learned From My Place Of Employment Episode #1

2009-07-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

It's totally okay to assault another cop, even if the crime is caught on tape AND there are nine other officers as witnesses. It's okay because a sergeant and a lieutenant have done the same thing and nothing happened to them. So it must be legal. Unless you're not a cop. Then, you're fucked.

I've Blown About 30 Mins On This Site

2009-07-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this rocksMake sure you make it back to the home page. If you make all the squares the same, they send you to an OCD site. I loves it.I suppose I should sit here and do something worthwhile, so I'm gonna come clean. I sit at my computer for hours, wanting to write but ending up on the internet instead. Actually, that's not really right, is it? The good intentions are there, but I guess

Sweet Valley Twins # 14- Tug Of War

2009-07-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

I never read this one as a child for one reason only. What's that reason, you ask? Well, I didn't like the books where they centered around the twins fighting. It's also why I owned Sweet Valley Twins #37-The War Between The Twins but never read it. Holy Christ on a Hoverround, what was wrong with me?!The story starts with Elizabeth and Amy Sutton talking to some chick named Linda. I have no idea

I Don't Wanna Go To Work On Thursday

2009-07-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the beach. I had a blast, even if my back and face are roughly the same shade as a stop sign.

I Truly Have No Life. And Supposedly My Book Comes Out Today, But I Really Have No Idea Because No One Talks To Me. I Need A Freaking Agent

2009-07-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

*This is an old post I decided to throw back up here to give the new peeps something to read. Enjoy! *I went to Goodwill and St. Vincent De Paul's yesterday and dropped nearly forty hard earned dollars on twenty-nine books. And about half of those happened to be Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley Twins books. Why? Because they were there and no matter how horrible they were/are, the bring back

Oh My Jesus

2009-07-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

Blogger sucks donkey butt. I am resisting the urge to go back to Wordpress.Why is my book still listed as "coming soon"? That's bunk, son. However, the world must be a better place now that Lauren Conrad is a published author and poor old me is still in limbo with a crappy book she didn't even like anyway but decided to finish at the request of her publisher. All that rushing and anguish for

The Indian In the Cupboard Cont.

2009-07-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, and we're back. Get caught up, if you haven't and let's get this show on the road.Omri has just finished supper after kicked Patrick to the curb and promising to bring the cowboy to school. Omri, you really don't have to do that. You wouldn't like it if roles were reversed and Boone dragged your ass to the saloon or something. Omri takes stock of his room, satisfied he'll be able to keep

The Indian In The Cupboard

2009-07-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

This book. Oh my Buddha, this book. I must have read this more than a hundred times when I was a kid. I longed for a cupboard in which to put my toys so I could have them come to life. When I saw this gem sitting oh so lonely in the childrens section of Goodwill, I did a little happy dance right there in the store. I couldn't believe how much I missed this book.If you've never read this, or the

I Have A New Crush

2009-07-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

His name is Dr. Basil Singer. Yes, doctor. I've been watching this show called Exodus:Earth on On Demand (while suffering through commercials for the U.S Navy, Eph off, U.S. Navy, fool me once, shame on you...) and find the host to be very intriguing. And pretty. And very much shaggable. Plus, he's British.I'm really supposed to be writing. Rain kinda ruined my plans for the day, so I told myself

I Just Remembered I Used To Dig "500 Miles" By The Proclaimers

2009-07-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

I figured you all would like a look at Molly first off. Adorable, ain't she? She's also very nonchalant about the fact she is NOT supposed to be on the table. Probably because she knows who really runs the household. (Hint: It ain't me)Anyway, I spent this weekend with my friend, Athena, (everyone say hi) down in Rochester, WA where she competed in a barrel race. Saturday was beautiful; Sunday,

Sorta A Continuance

2009-07-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

If you don't remember, click here.I'm also tinkering with the town name. So far nothing has grabbed me yet.Well, on to it!The killings began in 1969. That was the official stance by those who made the town run would say. Whether or not they believed that is an entirely separate matter and couldn’t possibly be covered here. And even if it could, I wouldn’t want to, because who can truly know what

Do You Guys Remember This Song?

2009-07-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I9hVzqTbn0I just happened upon this while sifting through music videos from the 90's on Youtube. This used to be my song even if I did hate everything Savage Garden did prior and after.I still haven't figured out how to post videos. I feel like a 'tard.

Oh, For Figs' Sake

2009-07-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

I will not be attending any school who thinks it alright to sell my number to other school with similar programs and call me twenty times a day. This is the reason I never answer my phone. Too many calls from numbers I don't know, only to Google them and find out they belong to schools I've never applied to and who have been sold my number by a certain school I have applied to.So, stop selling my

Happy Birfday, Eva Green!

2009-07-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

My wanna be BFF and awesomest person who ever awesomed was delivered via stork on this day 29 years ago. Babies are still delivered via stork, yes? That's what I thought. Anyway, happy birthday, Eva. One day I wish to be as quirky, brilliant, and cool as you.Yeah, you're right. Wishful thinking. But I'm willing to settle for just 1/16th of your awesomeness.

Oob La Dee Oob La Da

2009-07-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

LA in November. Soaking up Seattle with some cool chicas afterward. Oz in 2010. Europe in 2011 (where I've decided I'm going to have some strapping young Italian lad fall head over heels in love with me and whisk me away to a castle in Northern Italy where I'll only have to eat, sleep and write for the rest of my life. And it really doesn't have to be an Italian signor. It can be a French

Happy 4th Everybody!

2009-07-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Happy 4th to those of you who celebrate it. I'll be at work, stuffing myself with steak, potato salad, coleslaw, BBQ baked beans, watermelon, and strawberry shortcake. Plus some sweet rolls and corn bread I cooked myself, thank you very much.Have a safe and happy holiday everyone!

Life Blows

2009-07-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Work is insane right now. Horribly, horribly insane. Three weeks ago, Crazy Lady assaulted another officer. In front of six other officers, myself included. There is also a tape of the incident. However, because I work in Upside Down Land, witnesses are being harassed and threatened with termination. The suspect and victim are allowed to converse with witnesses about the incident. They're also

Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir... Ce Soir

2009-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

I want to learn French. For no other reason than the fact it sounds so sophisticated and sexy. Why did I have to spend my time learning German and Russian? When's the last time I ever used that skill? Exactly.And don't dare tell me I'll never use French in everyday life, either. When I become insanely wealthy and fabulous, I'll have a paramour named Yves. To go along with my pool boy, Armando. Oh

Laaaaaaazy

2009-06-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, I was going to do a post where I Photoshop my heads onto other peeps bods, but I really just don't have the energy to do that today. Maybe over my weekend I can throw some up here. I think you guys like those, right? Maybe this time I'll use my cat's head instead.So, instead I've decided I'd toss some pics of topless menpholk up here. Mainly because I've come to the realization my book is

This Post Will Remain Untitled

2009-06-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

So, a few months ago I joined the YMCA. I have access to a free gym at work, but I decided at the time the Y would be easier for a couple of reasons: 1. Sailors are disgusting and I'd have to put up with them while trying to concentrate on not looking like a moron on the treadmill and 2. There's always creepy old retired dudes at the pool and I'm not all hot on the idea of having some 90 y/o dude

TypHos Take Seattle

2009-06-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

People! I have actual internet now (as well as actual cable) as opposed to the bootleg internet(*cough cough* and cable *cough cough*) I've been using for the past three years. It's kinda nice. Especially since I'm able to Google Daniel Craig images ad nauseum. See! ^my

I'm Annoyed

2009-06-21T09:00:00.002-07:00

Look, here's the deal. I'm frustrated, tired, and full of sleeping meds. So if this post does not make any sense after a while, blame Unisom.Now, since I'm frustrated with the lack of FUCKING COMMON SENSE PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE NOWADAYS, I'm going to so a little therapeutic ranting. Hope that jives with the rest of you. Off topic: I'm totally bringing 'jive' back. Just as I bombard people with no

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGG

2009-06-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

I HATE MY FUCKING JOB!!!!!

Hi, Guys

2009-06-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hello, to all you lovely people. I hate to inform you of this, but I might disappear for a few days. See, my free internet has vanished and I am now forced to call Comcast and get some internet up in this 'b'. So, give me a few days and I'll be back. I promise.Love you alls.Lindsay

One Missed Call

2009-06-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

Let me reveal a little bit about myself here. I hate talking on the phone. And by hate, I mean loathe with the white hot passion of a million suns. Don't ask me why this is. When I was younger, my best friend and I would spend literally an entire day during summer vacation on the phone to one another while watching MTV and analyzing various music videos. (Yes, you can totally have deep

This Is Bunk, Son

2009-06-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

Why is it still "Coming Soon"? Really, though. I've starting to think my book is just a steaming pile of donkey dung. Which I know it totally is and should not be published anyway. But at least come out and tell me. I'm sick of fielding questions and having none of my own answered.

G.I. Joe Is Totally Gonna Suck

2009-06-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

It might actually suck worse than Speed Racer. Why the fuck is Sienna Miller in it? Why the fuck is she using an American accent when she is supposed to be playing the Baroness? Why was she talking in English to a French woman in France? Why did the entire trailer look like it was just copying the opening sequence from Team America? Why is there a Wayons Brother in it? Why does Hollywood insist

OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD!

2009-05-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

People, there is another Evil Dead movie in the works!!!! I repeat, THERE IS ANOTHER EVIL DEAD MOVIE IN THE WORKS!! You have NO idea how excited this makes me. I cannot truly convey the excitement I feel even through the OBNOXIOUS USE OF CAPS LOCK!You guys may not be as excited as me, or even have a bloody clue as to what I'm talking about, but I had to come here and shout it from the rooftops.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ In A Technicolor Dreamcoat

2009-05-26T16:48:00.001-07:00

The word is "ridiculous". Not "rediculous". If I see it spelled wrong one more time on the interwebz I'm going to lose my shit. Please, invest in a dictionary, people of the World Wide Web. Or dectionary. (Ha!, see what I did there). Sorry, but when I see the damn word spelled wrong thirty times a day, I get a little hostile.Signed-Lindsay Is Grouchy And Would Like The Kids To GET OFF HER LAWN!

JODERS!!!!

2009-05-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHY HAVE YOU NOT TOLD ME HE EXISTED?!I thought we were friends :(Also, Aussie menfolk are pretty.

If I'm Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right

2009-05-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

Remember way back when, when we all first stumbled upon the Hot Priest Calender? Here's a little sumthin'-sumthin' to help jog your memory.Did we all agree God has a wicked sense of humor for allowing fine menfolk specimens to hear the calling and don the cloth? Or was it something I bitterly thought in my own mind? Well, anyway this whole post is up here just because I wanted to say Ewan

These Bitches

2009-05-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

Bank of America is full of scandalous foolio whores who decide to charge me 2 ephing dollars because of what they call a "Excessive Activity Service Charge". On my last statement, I transferred some dollar dollar bills, y'all into my savings account and withdrew some money twice. AND I GET SLAPPED WITH A FRIGGEN EXCESSIVE ACTIVITY SERVICE CHARGE! Jesus Christ on a moped wearing a technicolored

I Cannot Think Of A Title

2009-05-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

It's a little less than a month until the day of my birf and I am none too happy about this fact. Blame it on the fact my grey hairs have doubled over the past year or the fact I look just plain washed out and damn near elderly in every single pic taken after 2002. Or the fact not a damn thing has changed for me since 2002. Or the dawning realization with every day that passes by and I'm still

Tired

2009-05-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just caught a glimpse of some such craziness about some sort of "reality" (and I use the term loosely, hence the quotation marks)program following Paris Hilton in an effort to show she's not the bubble head she appears to be. Please to not think any less of me, I caught the preview over on Jezebel. Anyway, I have one thing to say here:PARIS, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP

Welcome Back, Kotter

2009-03-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

Hi. This is back more because I have to have it, more than I really want to have it. Part of my contractual obligations or some such nonsense.So, let us begin, yes?As I was driving to work last night, I just about wrecked poor old Christine/Armando when I caught a young girl of no more than 13 in my peripheral. I WISH I could have gotten a pic, but I'm certain society tends to frown on complete

Where The Holy Hell

2009-03-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

Is Miss World? Don't make me fly to Scotland. Don't make me do it!And when you do finally read this, give Junior Officer Wee World a hug for me!

So....

2009-03-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

'Kay, since my shit's on hold til May 29th, here's a little bit of a story that I'm writing. And that makes six damn stories that sit, unfinished, on my hard dirve. Whatevs.Enjoy, or somethingWell, hey there. You're new around here, aren't you? New faces always seem to end up over here. Could be because it's the only restaurant in town. Need a refill on your coffee? Decaf, right?So, you just

I'm Sorry You Guys

2009-03-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, if you've bought my book, you've probably run into the same problem everyone else has run into. You can't figure out how to download it, right? Yeah, me either. So I emailed my POC, and hopefully I'll have an answer for you in the new day or so. If the answer is not satisfactory, I say go ahead and demand your money back. Cause it's not fair to any one of you. And I don't want anyone

HOLY JESUS CHRIST

2009-03-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK WITH A FUCKING MANIAC?!HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!1!11!!!GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW. AWAY FROM THIS DUMB, SACTAMONIOUS BITCH!

R.I.P. Natasha Richardson

2009-03-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

You were the only reason I watched Wild Child.Sadness.

Why The Eph Won't Dick Cheney Just Sither Away Already?

2009-03-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

I would wish death upon the man, but karma's a bitch, and I'd hate to have to pay out to her over someone as worthless and evil as Dick Cheney. So, I'm just going to have to wish him away. Also, I would like for him to shut the fuck up already. Going on about how President Obama is putting the nation at risk? Really, Dick, really? And then spouting off about how it's no coincidence the US hasn't

I Hear

2009-03-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

The book is up. I haven't checked, though

Lindsay Is

2009-03-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

done with the whole writing thing. Finished.She is also very pissed off.And is resigned to the fact she'll probably have to work at her craptacular job for the rest of her life.She has also decided to drop all her classes at school.And she'll probably drop off the internetz

Random Mess

2009-03-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm alive! Sorry I haven't been around lately, but I have been busy! And I know I always say that, but this time I mean it. And the time I have to myself, I've been watching The X Files. Or should I say, re-watching The X Files. Yes, my life, don't you wish you had it. Actually, I bring up The X Files just so I can show this pic.Yup, that's Barbie being abducted by an alien and Mulder and

Scene 1 Act 1: Lindsay's PD, Just After Roll Call

2009-03-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

Me: Police, Cpl. MeDude: Uh, I need a band-aidMe: What?Dude: A band-aid. I need a cop to come out here cause I need a band-aidMe: The fuck? How about you just call for< I don't know, an aid unit and not the police station's direct line. Dude: I don't want an aid unit. I just want a band-aid. I accidentally cut my leg and need a band-aidMe: How about you just walk your lazy ass down the street to

Dear Washington Drivers,

2009-03-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

Contrary to popular belief, the speed limit on I-5 is not, I repeat NOT, 150MPH. Now, I'm not usually one to speak out against people who feel the need, the need for speed. I happen to be one of them. But Cheese and Rice, people! If I'm already going 80, and the speed limit is 60 (which equals to a $280 ticket or some such nonsense if caught), there's no need to try to break the sound barrier and

Open Letter To Paris Hilton

2009-03-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, look, I do my best to ignore you. I truly do. But lately, I cannot. So, I gotta say a few things. First of all, when you say stupid shit like "My job is to party" or some dumb shit like that, I see red. How about going out and getting a real job? You're 27 years old for crying out loud! It can't be all rainbows and glitter and bedazzled Bentley dashboards forever. And need I remind you,

Sadness

2009-02-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

I just got a phone call from Jeffery Louise. A friend of ours, and a former police officer, was in a car crash in Idaho where he was visiting family. He was riding with his young son who was killed instantly. My friend is now laying in a hospital in Idaho in a coma. Jeffery Louise told me alcohol was a factor in the accident. Never mind how I feel about drunk drivers on the roadway, especially

Joders, Is This New Post Making It Any Easier To Read My Page? I Really Don't Know How To Fix It (sad face)

2009-02-27T08:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, so remember how I told you all we're having a party to celebrate my book release? Well, now I don't want to go. Everyone else is going, and like 6 people plan on calling in that night, so sorry fair people of my jurisdiction, you'll just have to fend for yourselves without police assistance that night. But I don't want to go. There'll be too much attention focused all on me, celebrating and

Things That Make Me Squee!

2009-02-25T15:11:00.000-08:00

First up: New York Style Cheesecake Holy Jeebus, NY style cheesecake is the greatest thing ever on the face of this planet. Maybe even the whole universe. When I buy one, on those rare occasions I say “Hey, $12.99 is a reasonable price to pay for a teeny tiny cheesecake”, I have to stop myself from eating the whole damn thing in one ginormous bite. If cheesecake was any cheaper, my ass would

I'm Going Full On Retard With This Blogger Thing

2009-02-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

So, no Oscar for me this year.I'm sitting at home, sick, for the second day in a row fighting bravely against the plague, or SARS, or whatever has afflicted me. While I sit in my room surrounded by the tens of dollars worth of medication I went out and bought yesterday, I figured I'd try to do something productive. I told myself I'd either write something on my next book, or I'd set up this damn

I'm Stealing Shit From My Facebook Because I Have Nothing Better To Do. Such As.

2009-02-23T17:28:00.000-08:00

So, I was tagged again, so I decided to dig up a few more things you might not know about me, whether you want to know them or not(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app), then click publish.)1. Growing up, I hated the fact I had brown hair and brown

March 15th

2009-02-10T11:04:00.000-08:00

It all begins March 15th, folks. That's the day my book is finally available for sale. That's the day I actually become a "published" author. It's also the day I'm having a huge party in which we will try our damnedest to get kicked out of bars. The last time that happened was the night I graduated from the police academy.I'm just putting this up here so my little blog doesn't look so GD sad.